Whining

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Thanks guys.
(Kari, your comment had me in tears.)

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I realize after reading through many of my posts, that I do a fair amount of whining. I assume that if you read Jack’s blog, you have an interest in knowing what is going on with Jack. Whether or not you are interested in how I feel about the whole thing is questionable. However, I have to admit that after I get my whining out of the way, I really do feel better. So, for those of you who give in to my whining and offer words of support (or a silent prayer) … thank you! For those of you who think I need to “get over it” ... I agree with you for the most part.

I’m the first to admit that I have a flare for the dramatic. Every little thing is taken to the worst case scenario in my mind. It’s a coping mechanism. If I expect the worst and prepare for the worst, then anything short of the worst is a “relief”. You’d have to live this life to understand. Having a child with intense medical needs is … well … intense. Yet, you learn to adjust - you find your new normal, you get into a routine and you get up each day and function with the rest of the world, notwithstanding the fact that your child’s every breath literally depends on you (and those you trust to fill your shoes in your absence). There is a very fine line between holding it all together and feeling like you are about to fall off the cliff that parents like myself perpetually teeter on. Although an issue may appear to be a little thing, when you have no reserve, it’s the little things that will push you over the edge - as I’ve obviously demonstrated time and time again over the last 4 months. You’d think after eight years of teetering, falling and getting back up, I’d be more conditioned to handle the bumps encountered along the way. However, my ability to cope seems to diminish with each “bump” I encounter, and the whining intensifies.

My rational self knows that I just need to “cowboy up”, shut up and deal with it. Yet, when I sit down at the keyboard, my very emotional self takes over and I whine. Those of you who encounter me in person see the rational me. Those of you who encounter me only through my written words see the emotional me. Those of you who see me both places … you’re no doubt as confused as I am!

I can’t promise to cease all whining, I can only suggest that if you tire of the whining … hook up with me in person, the rational me is much more tolerable.