Sunday, April 01, 2007

My Mantra

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

*****************

I carry these words in my wallet, in my Daytimer and even taped to my computer to remind myself that I have very little control over things in my life and that sometimes I just have to let it be. It's so much easier to say these words than to live them.

I feel uncomfortable and somewhat guilty when I draft posts that are downers - it goes against the persona people have of me, or perhaps the persona I want to believe people have of me. I really dislike it when I allow myself to be overcome with negativity and I dislike it even more after I've let the world in on my negativity. Part of me is not sure this blogging is a good thing as it allows people see a side of me they wouldn't likely see if they only knew me in person (thankfully, the majority of the people I see on a daily basis are unaware of this site.) It's not to say that I'm always happy and chipper in person, but I'm fairly good at pretending things are "just dandy" for the most part.

I just have to remember that this journey Jack and I are on is long and arduous and it must be enjoyed or endured -- as the case may be -- one day at a time. Some days are better than others, but at the end of the day, all I have to do is look into those incredible eyes and I know that if he can keep on going, so must I.

9 comments:

Cindy said...

I think it is so important for people to understand the difficulties and emotions that come with having a child with a disability/complex medical needs. They need to know the down side along with the good. Empathy and help come from understanding.
You are very good at putting your feelings into words and sharing what many of us deal with on a daily basis. This blog is definitely a good thing, not only for you, but for me and for anyone who wants to understand what our lives are really like. In fact, I can see your words in a book that would be so helpful for other parents dealing with similar issues. Some day when you have time (LOL), you can look back on this journal to help you write your book. (On that note, be sure to back up your Blog.)

Cindy
"Grateful that thorns have roses."

Anonymous said...

One of my favorite sayings is "I can't have sunshine flying out of my a@@ 24 hours a day" If you did you would be incredibly fake and even your internet buddies know you are far from fake :-)
I simply love that picture. Wow! it is just so inspiring and touching.
Big hugs!
Kristina

Kar said...

OhmyGod. Ann? I'm shattered, so disappointed. Why, it turns out, you're only superHUMAN...and all this time, I just figured you were from another planet, where they make their women out of granite...

I'm teasing. *smootch*. Just so you know, those of us that read this, love you for your strength. Love you MORE for your honesty. It's EASY to pretend it's all right as rain; it's hard to confess the truth: that it's scary. And exhausting. And frustrating. And emotionally draining. And depressing sometimes, too. And INFURIATING!

What a fab picture of you and Jack! Yeah, it's worth it, but I certainly wouldn't complain if the road had less damn brambles!

kristy said...

I appreciate who you are and what you do for Jack and for everyone else who life you touch. Thank you for your honesty and your humanity. By the way, I love the picture--very sweet.

julie worthington said...

I love those words Ann, they are so very true. I also tend to put on the smiley, happy, coping face most of the time, but there are definitely days when I just want to curl up in a corner and hide. Sometimes I think it doesn't do me any favours trying to be strong all the time as everyone around me thinks I am coping when, honestly, a lot of the time, I'm not.
You have been an inspiration to us all and your love for Jack shines out whenever you post. Just keep looking at that beautiful face and keep putting one foot in front of the other. that is my motto, when I am feeling bad "one foot in front of the other", that's all you can do.
((((HUGS))))
Juliexxxx

Carrie said...

Ann
What a beautiful picture that says just as much as your post. You both are such an inspiration, the love in your eyes is that only a mother and child can share.

I wish we were closer so that I could join you on your hike and be there when you needed someone to listen. Just remember, even "Super Woman" is allowed an off day or two.

Hugs
Carrie

"Vegas baby"

Anonymous said...

Ann,

That is the most beautiful picture of you and Jack! I also find comfort in the saying that you posted.

Love, Sandra

Anonymous said...

Ann, I LOVE that photo. It is so awesome, there is love shining out of it in all directions!

Your blog is very valuable to me. I dont deal with nearly the issues you do, but I find strength in your journey to keep walking my path resolutely.

Cindy-glad you liked the saying! Isnt it wonderful when you can put a new perspective on the world?

Deb McKaughan (cariaad)

Anonymous said...

Don't feel guilty about posting things that may appear negative. Holy crap, you deserve to be in a pissy mood sometimes. You always allow us to have our moments. So why aren't you allowed yours? You are usually the first to post a hug when one of us needs it.
I think sharing your sruggles and your crap days are true and they are honest. We know that you love Jack desperatley, but somedays it still "SUCKS". (I wish I could come up with a more elegant phrase, but that's all I got.
Love Tess