Saturday, August 20, 2011

In the Moment

Now that I have "officially" committed to participating in two 1/2 marathons as part of Team Cure CMD, I decided it was time to get my running shoes on and put in some miles.  I'm going to walk the LA 1/2 again (in October), as well as the Phoenix 1/2 in January.  This evening when I was out on my walk/occasional run, I made an observation.  I noticed that I look down, not ahead when I walk.  I remember my sister pointing this out to me on one of our training walks last year.  I do a lot of thinking on my walks and I'm very focused on what's in my head, not where I'm heading.  I'm not so much looking down, as I'm looking inward.  It's safer.  I tried to force myself to look ahead on my walk and, to be honest, I really couldn't do it.  I felt vulnerable.  I think that's indicative of how I've come to live my life.  I stay safely tucked away in my own little space, head to the grindstone, inward focused .... just living in the moment.  It's a matter of survival really.  Some days it's all you can do to get through moment and, then there are those days when you just want to savor the moment.  The here and now is enough.

I used to approach life eyes wide open, full steam ahead.  Now, I don't have the fortitude to think too far into the future.  I used to be such a planner - always with a carefully mapped out destination.  You see how well that worked for me.  The last twelve years have definitely been a lesson in humility.  This evening I realized how I have changed.  For better or worse, I find myself living safely in the moment with little desire to look ahead to the future and what it may bring.

Just an observation.  


Vicki said...

Living in the moment may have become a coping mechanism for you, but it is living in the moment that prevents us from missing our life. So many wise words out there on this topic, including a few Bible verses that show the wisdom of living in the moment for anyone regardless of their brand of faith. Love you Ann.

Katie said...
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Susan said...

You know I think I do the same thing. But how do you know you aren't going to step on a big pile of dog s_ _ _ or trip on someething if you don't look down? in the moment is better. It is good to have goals, but too much looking into the future means you miss out on now and besides the future (particularly other people) isn't within our control is it? You may wonder if this is a good change, but to me it looks like you've matured (in a good way) and become wise. Good luck with your training.

Ann said...

Haha Susan! It's usually dark when I go out for my walks, so I stay on main roads which have sidewalks - which keeps me safe from holes and dog poop, for the most part. The funny thing is, I don't wear my glasses when I go out for a my walks, so I can't see much in front of me even if I wanted to!

Ann said...

Thanks Vicki -- Love you too!