Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Whining

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Thanks guys.
(Kari, your comment had me in tears.)

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I realize after reading through many of my posts, that I do a fair amount of whining. I assume that if you read Jack’s blog, you have an interest in knowing what is going on with Jack. Whether or not you are interested in how I feel about the whole thing is questionable. However, I have to admit that after I get my whining out of the way, I really do feel better. So, for those of you who give in to my whining and offer words of support (or a silent prayer) … thank you! For those of you who think I need to “get over it” ... I agree with you for the most part.

I’m the first to admit that I have a flare for the dramatic. Every little thing is taken to the worst case scenario in my mind. It’s a coping mechanism. If I expect the worst and prepare for the worst, then anything short of the worst is a “relief”. You’d have to live this life to understand. Having a child with intense medical needs is … well … intense. Yet, you learn to adjust - you find your new normal, you get into a routine and you get up each day and function with the rest of the world, notwithstanding the fact that your child’s every breath literally depends on you (and those you trust to fill your shoes in your absence). There is a very fine line between holding it all together and feeling like you are about to fall off the cliff that parents like myself perpetually teeter on. Although an issue may appear to be a little thing, when you have no reserve, it’s the little things that will push you over the edge - as I’ve obviously demonstrated time and time again over the last 4 months. You’d think after eight years of teetering, falling and getting back up, I’d be more conditioned to handle the bumps encountered along the way. However, my ability to cope seems to diminish with each “bump” I encounter, and the whining intensifies.

My rational self knows that I just need to “cowboy up”, shut up and deal with it. Yet, when I sit down at the keyboard, my very emotional self takes over and I whine. Those of you who encounter me in person see the rational me. Those of you who encounter me only through my written words see the emotional me. Those of you who see me both places … you’re no doubt as confused as I am!

I can’t promise to cease all whining, I can only suggest that if you tire of the whining … hook up with me in person, the rational me is much more tolerable.

7 comments:

julie worthington said...

You have no need to apologise Ann, you are not always whining. You are dealing, day to day, with what the majority of people cannot even begin to understand, and you get by, as we all do, barely!!I am of the same philosophy as you - I prepare for the worst, then anything good is a bonus.

Continue to whine all you like, and I'll continue to send good vibes, lots of hugs ((((HUGS)))) and prayers across the pond.

Hang in there, you are one awesome mother!!

Lots of love
Julie

Anonymous said...

Hi Ann,
Sorry haven't posted for so long but have been trying to get used to things now Katie has her t-tube! I always make sure I read this as I love to keep up to date with how Jack is doing but also you seem to be able to express so well what we all go through and I know it helps me just to know there is someone else feeling how I feel but how I pray that things were easier for all of us. Your post really made me think as lately I have been getting less and less able to cope with things that happen and I don't know where my strengh has gone. Sorry this post is a bit miserable but having one of those days/weeks..! Please know I am always thinking of you and Jack and praying you find the strengh to keep on coping. Take care.

Lots of love, Bea xxxx

Kristy said...

I agree, I agree, I agree! We are similar in our resposnes to our situations...Having said that, I don't think you're a whiner at all!!! You are expressive! Hang in there and express yourself!

I hope Jack's sore is better soon. I send him lots of prayers for comfort:)

Anonymous said...

Hey - I was going to make some smart remark about the in person you not being any more tolerable but I realized some people who read this may know or appreciate my humor! So I'll say that I love you either way and I wish there was some way to ease the burden for you and Mark. I'm also sorry that in 5 week you will be faced with the additional burden of a full house! Can’t wait to see you.
Love,
Maureen

Melisande said...

Ann,

We love you either way! I'm sure it makes you a better mother for your boy to say what you need to say. Better than keeping it all bottle up inside. (Like you would or COULD do that! Ha!)

Really, I haven't heard a word of whining. You just tell it like it is, sister! {hugs}

Kari said...

Awwwww, Ann! That's not WHINING! Think back for a minute, to the days before this all happened. Remember when "guilt" meant you ate the whole piece of cheesecake & you didn't even go to the gym after? Remember when "a bad day" meant you got your skirt caught up in your pantyhose and nobody bothered to tell you about it BEFORE the big meeting? Remember when "a problem" was something you could ponder for two days...and then SOLVE? And "whining" meant you cast the evil eye on the spouse 'cause he drank all the milk & didn't tell you?

This? This isn't whining. It's ranting, venting, sighing out the exhaustion, crying without tears over the inevitable, doing battle with the rage of emotions that have to be put in a pocket for now, because you've got so many someones who live thanks to borrowing your strength. That's not whining, sweet friend, that's just DEALING.

Hugs,

Kari

carrie said...

Ann
I'm just catching up on what has been going on...
All I have to say, is you of ALL people are NOT whining!!!!
Love you and that beautiful family of yours
hugs
carrie