Of a Few Things, I am Certain

The other night, I woke up around 1am and as I was lying there in bed listening to the rhythmic sound of Jack's ventilator through the monitor, my thoughts naturally went to Jack.  As I stretched out my legs to get comfortable, I imagined what it must feel like not to be able to do that simple act even though your body is telling you it wants to.  In fact, I tried to see how long I could go without moving as I lay there in bed.  I could feel my body wanting to shift positions and I struggled to not move a muscle despite my body's urging.  I didn't last very long before the uncomfortable feelings took over and I had to move.  Try it sometime - see how long you can go without moving.  It's tougher than you think.  You don't realize how much you move to get comfortable without even thinking about it - until you can't.

Needless to say, after failing miserably at my little experiment, the tears came when thinking about how Jack must feel.  I couldn't go back to sleep, so I went downstairs to lay down with Jack in his bed. When I walked into his room, I was quite surprised to see that he was still wide awake.  I had my phone with me because I had intended to listen to music with my headphones on.  Since Jack was awake, I ditched the headphones so that we could both listen to the music.  I have a playlist of contemporary Christian songs that I played.  Jack was clearly happy to have something to break the silence of the night.  I held Jack's hand and tried to catch a few winks.  At one point, I looked over at Jack and saw that he had tears in his eyes. This was not the first time I have seen Jack moved to tears by a song. Yet, I am always taken aback when this child displays such emotion to the words of a song.  It's these moments that quell any doubt as to the depth of Jack's understanding of the world around him.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - Jack's eyes speak volumes.  It's almost frightening.  It's as if he sees directly into my heart, my mind and my soul. The wisdom behind the silence is piercing. There is a spirit about Jack that can't be explained, but can be profoundly felt in moments like the other night.

There are few things in this life of which I am certain, but if Jack has made me certain of anything, it's that there is a God, there is heaven and there are angels sent from heaven to grace us, to teach us and to bless us.  Of what I am most certain, is that Jack is one of those angels.

_________________________


For anyone wondering, the song that moved Jack to tears was "Here With Us" by Joy Williams.