Sunday, June 27, 2010


I had a blog post drafted but then decided not to post it because it seemed too narcissistic. Then again, all blogging is narcissistic to some degree.  When I started this blog, it was never intended to be about me, it was started solely to keep people updated on Jack's spinal fusion surgery in 2006.  I kept it up after that because ... well, because people kept reading.  Occasionally, I'm "struck" with words about this journey with Jack that I feel are worth sharing - words I call "Blog Thoughts".  Writing is very therapeutic and cathartic for me and I write as much for myself as I do for those who read this blog.  However, it's been over a year since I've written a Blog Thought.  I'm wondering if maybe I've got nothing left to share.   Perhaps I've finally reached the point in this journey where I really am okay.  I'm not consumed with how different my life is or what I don't (and won't ever) have.  Granted, it's easy to be in this place of contentment when things are going smoothly with Jack (and nursing and insurance) and, I'm certainly not looking for any drama just to have something to blog about. The problem is: contentment = lack of blogging material.

I know who some of you are who read this blog because you leave comments.  I know how many hits a day this blog gets.  So, I also know that there are many who read this blog and never comment.  It does beg the question .... why do people read this blog?  It can't be because of my words of wisdom or profound thoughts because, lately, I've got none.  I'm not sure my family's everyday life is all that interesting either. So, you ask, what exactly is the point of this post?  I'm not sure I know, but hey ... at least I gave those of you who check in on us something to read! :-)

Seriously, my point is that this blog has morphed into something completely different than what it started out as and I'm not sure where I'm heading with it or for how long.  But, I will say (as I've said before) that I appreciate those who check in on us and continue to check in despite the long break between posts.  I appreciate those who take the time to leave a comment.  Mostly, I appreciate that when times do get tough, there are people out there who truly care.  That, I guess, is why I keep blogging.

Thanks for stopping by.


p.s. I'm open to suggestions if anyone has something they'd like to know about me, my family or if you have any ideas for a blog post.


ssouth said...

I hear ya, Ann! I truly hope you don't stop blogging. Your words are a comfort to me at least. I'm not sure why I blog either, but I'm compelled to. I think I'd do it even if no one were reading, but having readers and an occasional comment spurs me on. Your blog is a little window into your life and I think it's important for people to know the value in Jack's experience on earth and how his family deals.
I would like to hear more about Hilary's adventures at college (though I understand if she doesn't want you to share).
One dedicated reader,

Melisande said...

Ann, I do enjoy your blog, whatever is going on in your life. I'm glad you listen to me sometimes, even though I don't blog. With facebook now, I am starting to write a little, but not much! You inspire me too! {hugs}

Cindy said...

I read your blog because I care about you and want to know how you are doing.

Personally, I blog mainly for myself. If people read what I write, that's a bonus, But my blog is more like a diary that I can look back on in my old age (if I'm lucky enough to live to a ripe old age). I kept a diary when I was a teenager and then off and on over the years. I find it helpful to reflect back on where I've been. Helps me to move forward:-)

As for what to blog about, write about anything you feel like writing about. Of course your readers want to hear about your life, but I - for one - would also be interested in what you think about the world around you.

Katie said...

I love reading your blog Ann. And I take all of the above. I like your writing, I care about your family and how you are doing and I think you are an inspiration. :)
Keep it up whenever you feel like writing. I just like to check in from time to time to see if anything new is happening.
Take care

worthy said...

I can understand how you feel Ann, I've stopped updating Sam's caringbridge page since life has begun to run a little smoother.
I for one, love to read your blog, and check in every day. Not just for news of Jack, but of all of you. I love hearing how all your children are doing, love Eric's little anecdotes! And of course, I care about you too and how life is going for you - even if it is a complaint about Apria!
As Cindy said, write about whatever you feel like, you don't have to write every day, just when you feel the need.

We all love you, that's why we keep checking in!

Julie x

Anonymous said...

Hi Anne,
I started reading your blog about a year ago and you had me from the picture of 2 single saline squirts :) We tend to get 3 packs of sterile q-tips instead of 3 boxes. When you had sangria, Toby, and pro-biotic in the fridge this winter so did we! I simply don't connect with my friends and family on this level and I'm so greatful someone else in this world gets it! Medically fragile humor/life is tough for an outsider to get. I've commented a few times and I'll look you up on fb so you can see some pics. of my daughter Olivia...

Dana said...

I think you know I read and enjoy your posts. You are the reason I found blogging and began to do this myself. When I am faced with something with Laneah I usually think I wonder how Ann did this. Like going from kids diapers to small adult. It seemed like a big deal and I found myself wondering if you had any advice.

I would love to know how you've done things over the years. I think on the trach board I read that you put blankets over the tubes or something to help with too much water. ( Need to have this explained to me again) It's things like this that you have been there and done.
How do you all move Jack? Does he have a power chair? Any tips on building relationships with doctors and nurses?
Your my BTDT person. I value reading your thoughts. IT makes me know it's o.k. to totally think that this life at times sucks and it hard.
I enjoy reading about your whole family. IT's nice to get to know you all.
Don't stop please. IF you do please allow me to e-mail you.

Alicia said...

I love your blog and read every time you update. I may not comment every time but I love hearing about your family. I have been happy for you that things have been to boring to blog about!

Whatever direction you take this blog, I will follow!

Ann said...

Thanks for the comments!

Jenny - I'd be happy to share Hilary's adventures in college. I don't think she'd mind ... in fact, I don't think she even knows I have a blog.

Cindy - no way are you going to see me post on politics and my view of the world we live in! You know me, I avoid conflict as much as possible. Suffice it to say (and as I'm sure you well know), my views on the world around me are 180 degrees from your views on the same issues. But, it's nice to know we can still be friends despite our political/religious differences. :)

Dana - I'll put together a post to answer some of your questions. Thank you for the idea.

Thanks again all of you who read, comment and care.

Anonymous said...

Ann, I would truly miss your blog. I don't care if you only update it every 10 days or however often you have time. I check once or twice a week, faithfully, to see what's up with your family because I really miss you. And no, I won't become a FB fan, ever. I would love to hear about Hilary's college experiences, how Mary is doing with her walking boots, how sweet Riley is progressing... It makes me feel a part of your life more than the once every year or two visits we can squeak in.

Leigh Ann

Susan said...

Ann, I read your blog because I care about you and Jack (and the rest of your family). I am comforted by knowing that other families face similar (yet different) struggles. I like your blog just how it is, but I think you should do whatever you like, because blog posting shouldn't be a chore. You've got plenty of those, I'm sure. But I kind of wish you'd posted the "narcissistic" post. It's got me very curious.

Erica said...

Hi Ann! I am one of those reads-but-never-comments people...I love reading your posts because when you are feeling well-adjusted it makes me hopeful that maybe I'll be that way too eventually. When you are stressing out it makes me feel human. It is just nice to have someone to relate to. Plus you have a beautiful family and I love seeing the pictures and reading the stories and updates! Hugs to you and the family! xoxo E

CS said...

I read your blog because your life is full and rich and real. You don't smooth over the issues but you don't dwell, either.

I'm not a "poem person" but this one spoke to me about the days I don't have much to say:

"I would not have been a poet
except that I have been in love
alive in this mortal world,
or an essayist except that I
have been bewildered and afraid,
or a storyteller had I not heard
stories passing to me through the air, or a writer at all except
I have been wakeful at night
and words have come to me
out of their deep caves
needing to be remembered.
But on the days I am lucky
or blessed, I am silent..."

"VII" from the poem "1994" by Wendell Berry, from A Timbered Choir: The Sabbath Poems 1979–1997. © Counterpoint, 1998.

Anonymous said...

I check in on you every day! In fact, there are many "trach blogs" that I read every day. I like hearing what everyone is doing and it helps me procrastinate at work! I read your blog, in particular, because I love Jack. It was so great to first meet him when Nathan was just a baby. I've been hooked ever since. I do know what you mean though when you say you don't know what to write about. I was never really able to share my real feelings on Nathan's website because of what I do and the reality that church members would be reading everything I wrote! Still, it has been helpful over the years. And now, I update almost daily because I feel guilty if I don't, and it is the closest thing Nathan will ever have to a baby book!

So, all that is to say, hang in there and keep blogging. I will continue to await each update with bated breath...