Time and Experience

As a shuffle through a week's worth of mail on the kitchen counter, I find scattered in with the junk mail and bills an envelope with Jack's name on it.  I've learned not to throw anything away without opening it first because everything looks like junk mail these days.  Sure enough, the letter is from a collection agency.  My friends at Apria sent us to collections for 21 freaking dollars! This company that collects at least $3000 a month from us for Jack's equipment and supplies, sends us to collections for $21. Ridiculous!

But that's not the point of this post.

Five years ago a letter from a collection agency would have enraged me.  My "fight or flight" response would have kicked into high gear and my response would have been 110% fight.  I would have picked up the phone, cursing the entire time I was on hold and then likely yelled at the person on the other end who had the audacity to call me "Ma'am". (You know that condescending tone I'm referring to.)  I would have furiously pounded out a letter to Apria threatening legal action if they didn't remove my account from collections. I would have stewed all night about the injustice of it all, and then rushed into the office to fax the letter off to Apria first thing in the morning.

I would have done that . . . five years ago.

Now, I simply tuck the letter into my "Personal" folder that I shuffle back and forth between home and work every day.  My folder full of stuff that requires attention whenever I can find a few spare minutes here and there at work to deal with it. Today -- a good two weeks after it arrived in the mail -- I pulled out the letter.  I called Apria's billing department.  I calmly explained to them that we have Medicaid as our secondary insurance and that not only do we not owe the $21, it's against the law to bill us for it.  I calmly explained that for reasons I don't understand, they (Apria) unilaterally changed the party they bill as our secondary insurance.  I calmly explained that we've been getting our respiratory equipment from them for over seven years and that we've always had Medicaid as our secondary, that they have always been paid by our Medicaid provider until recently when someone at Apria decided to change who they were billing as our secondary insurance.  Based on the clicking of the keyboard I was hearing through the phone, the person at the other end was furiously typing his notes as I was giving him my spiel.  At this point, my call had already been escalated to the next level. (Which likely means nothing more than that the person answering the phone didn't want to deal with me, so he put me on hold hoping the call would roll over to the person sitting next to him.)  I provided contact information for the person at the agency they are supposed to bill as our secondary, and I was assured that the matter would be handled expeditiously.  I calmly ended the call with "I won't hold my breath, but thank you for your help today".

Now what to do about the collection agency threatening nothing short of imprisonment if I don't cough up the $21?  (Okay, so that's a bit of an exaggeration.) As I look at the letter, I realize it's addressed to Jack.  I remember that the monthly billing statements from Apria are addressed to Jack, and when I call Apria's billing department, they ask for Jack's date of birth.  Everything is tied to Jack.  Fact is, Jack doesn't give a rip about his credit score.  And, while I recognize that I'm personally liable for my minor child's medical bills, I'm not going to sweat over the $21 allegedly owed to Apria or the collection letter.  I calmly put the letter back into the folder and cross it off my list of things to deal with.

Done.  Calmly.   No ranting, no raving, no high blood pressure or spitting nails.  A simple phone call, a simple explanation and the ability to LET.IT.GO after that.

It's amazing what time and experience gets you.  You learn that "it is what it is" and all the screaming and cursing in the world won't change it.  You learn that you are so not in control, and you learn not to sweat the small stuff -- and the majority of it is small stuff.

I've lived so much of the last (almost) eleven years in a constant state of urgency and anger, with a "my way or the highway" attitude. (Well, let's be honest, I've probably lived most of my life that way.) And certainly, I still have my moments and there are still those times when my "fight" response kicks in.

However, time and experience have tempered the anger and have brought to me patience, confidence and perspective.  All things that make for a much better -- and healthier -- way to approach each day.

And if you don't believe me .... just ask the guy at Apria.