Monday, August 13, 2007

Finally an update

Although there's not really much to update as things remain the status quo here. I should be happy, yet my mood has been anything but. In many respects, the "down" times are the more difficult times. When you are in crisis mode, you have something in the here and now to focus on and specific results to achieve. When things are running smoothly (relatively speaking), there is too much free time. Time to think about the future and what lies ahead. Time to think about what is and what isn't. I'm not sure I'll ever be truly happy because life will never be truly okay when it comes to Jack. He deserves so much more out of life than his body allows him to experience. At times, the loss --- Jack's loss, our family's loss, my loss -- it just saddens me.

I went to a moms back-to-school happy hour last Friday. Naturally, everyone was talking about their kids and the start of school. Since I have three kids in school, I could join in the conversation without much hesitation. However, when this one woman asked me how many kids I had and what grades they were in . . . I told her about everyone except Jack. I just wasn't up for being the one in the crowd who was different and I didn't feel like getting into the whole "I have an 8 year old, but ......." conversation. As far as this woman knows (and most people who don't know me well know), I only have three kids. I felt like a complete heel after the fact. While I appreciated the invite, for the most part, it's really not worth it to go out and pretend like I'm one of "them". Fact is, I belong to a club that no one wants to join, or even really hear about. That said, I feel like a big dolt for even complaining because I have many friends who's only child has special and/or medical needs and at least I have three healthy kids to enjoy. So, I really should just shut up and stop complaining.

And on that happy note, here is a picture of Jack and his teacher Renee. Renee is not only a wonderful teacher, she also offered to learn Jack's care and has filled in on occasion when Kristi couldn't work. Unfortunately for us, Renee took a job in California and is moving this week. We will miss her lots and we hope she is absolutely miserable in her new job and will come back to Arizona soon (just kidding ... sorta).


julie w said...

Ann - you have every right to complain. Your whole family has been through so much and you still manage to work AND put time into the Willow Tree Foundation - you are amazing, and an inspiration. I tend to avoid events like the one you went to, I don't want to bore people with Sam's problems, they don't get it, and don't really want to get it and I'm not really one for small talk, I find those issues so trivial. So I just wallow in self pity at home - wanna join me???

Sending lots of cyber ((((HUGS)))) across the pond.

Anonymous said...

ditto that! you are amazing.
xo christina

kristy said...

You do a wonderful job with everything you have going on. Your energy and enthusiam seem boundless to me!