Monday, August 07, 2006

Losing Perspective

The infectious disease docs wanted another culture so they know where to go from here. More cultures mean more blood. Since Jack has absolutely no more venous access, they had to do an arterial stick. An arterial stick can be summed up in one word -- PAINFUL. It is so difficult to watch your child, who cannot move to escape, who cannot speak to voice his opinion and who is at the absolute mercy of everyone he encounters, be put through so much pain in the last 10 days. I'm losing my perspective. I just want to get him out of here at all costs. I can't give the OK anymore when they tell me they need to stick him, yet again. I don't even want to hear what they have to say. I am no longer strong enough to help him get through this, I just want to protect him from it. I'm losing sight of what the benefit of this surgery was supposed to be. I know intellectually, if Jack does in fact have a bad "bug" in his blood, it must be addressed, however, emotionally, I want to say "forget it" ... just let us go home. Fortunately, I'm surrounded by rational people who are keeping me in check. We will know something tomorrow as far as where we are headed. Let's just hope and pray it's home.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ann,

You have all been through so much this last week+. Praying that he is home soon. I will check frequently today for an update. Praying for better news. Hugs to you both.

Jennie

Anonymous said...

Oh Ann, I wish this was over for you and Jack. Enough is enough. I hope that today brings much better news.
Love,
Teresa

Eirca said...

Ann,
I know you and Jack both are completely physically and emotionally exhausted, and I'm sorry to hear that things have not been going smoothly for the past few days. I haven't been online much but you are, as always, in my thoughts and prayers. I hope the ID people figure things out soon and get Jack taken care of so you can run away home!
Much love,
Erica

Kathy H said...

Ann,
I'm so sorry he is going through this. I can't imagine how exhausted, angry, and frightened you are right now. You are strong enough! I'm thinking of you.
With love,
Kathy

Carrie said...

Oh Ann, I just want to be able to hug you both and protect you from all the hurt. I wish I could make all the pain go away and put the smile back on both your faces. Hopefully the docs will get answers today and you and Jack can head home soon. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. If I can do anything, please let me know.
Love ya
Carrie

mom2twinsplus1 said...

Ann,
My thoughts are still with you and Jack. You aren't be irrational you are just being a good mother trying to protect your child. Arterial sticks are the worse, and after everything else he has been through its a wonder you been so positive this long. YOu are very strong, but even the strongest people have limits. I will keep praying that all this ends for you soon.

Melisande said...

Ann,

Poor little Jack! All so much in such a short time! We're praying for answers soon and wind at your back! Love you guys!

Melisande

Julie worthington said...

Oh Ann, I hope you get some answers soon, and hope they don't need to take any more blood - poor Jack will be needing some if they carry on! Sending lots and lots of prayers and hugs across the pond.

Love Julie

Anonymous said...

Oh Ann, I'm so sorry to read all this. I hope they find out what's wrong asap and you can get home. It is the most difficult thing to watch your child in pain and you have been so strong. We are thinking and praying for you and Jack all the time.

Lots of love,

Bea and Katie xxxx